What If...

A ten year old asked me to name three things I liked about myself.  I couldn't think of any.  It took almost two weeks for me to come up with one.  Re: I like that I accept people for who they are. 


That incident was a wake up call for me.  It made me realize how hard I am on myself and although I accept others just as they are, I don't accept myself.  Not the good parts anyway.  I'm very self aware of things I need to work on and welcome criticism.  However, I found myself dismissing any positive statements from people, telling myself they are just being polite or don't really know what they are talking about.  I'm not sure why I do this but now I'm determined to correct it. 


Here are some examples:


                      From my professors:
"You have a real talent for writing clever dialogue."
"You have an innate ability to write about the human condition."


                      From a lover:
"You have an amazing body."
"You don't need to wear makeup because you are beautiful without it."


                      From friends:
"You have beautiful skin."
"You should be a counselor because when you break it down, it all makes sense."
"You are real and really good at helping people."
"You are one of the most fascinating people I've ever met with amazing energy."


I can honestly say that I don't agree with any of those statements.  But, what if...

What if  I really have a talent for writing?

What if I am really beautiful just as I am?

What if I really help people by just being myself and speaking/writing?

What if I choose to be kind and loving towards myself instead of a constant critic? I'm willing to explore this and have implemented the following into my life that may help any of you struggling with the same:

1. Keep an ongoing list of things that you like about yourself.  Not what others like about you. What you like about yourself.  This may be difficult but there is no time limit. Keep it in your journal or your purse/wallet/glove compartment to refer back to when you are feeling down on yourself and to add new items as you discover yourself.

2. When someone compliments you, believe them.  They are sharing an opinion.  They are delighted by you in some fashion. Smile and thank them.

3. Pay attention to your inner dialogue.  Evaluate how you speak to yourself. Would you say it to your child or a small child? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be saying it to yourself.  Most of us would not dream of telling a child that they are ugly, stupid, fat, incompetent, etc.  It's not okay. Therefore, it is definitely not okay to constantly tell yourself horribly negative things and/or focus on your perceived shortcomings.

4. In the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, into your own eyes and express love for yourself. It feels awkward and uncomfortable (at least for me) but, you need to hear good things about yourself, from yourself.  Example: "I love you unconditionally and am proud of you because you are a good person, mother and friend who is beautiful, inside and out."

I want to thank anyone reading this and want you to know that if it resonated with you in any way, just try these four suggestions for two weeks.  What if  it helps?  You won't know unless you try... and I would love to hear from you.