Coping with Panic Disorder

I've suffered with panic disorder for half my life now.  A panic attack is, in my opinion, the absolute worst feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is a personal HELL.  For those of you who have experienced one, you are probably nodding in agreement.  For those of you who haven't, you probably will never understand how bad it is but thank you for reading this so you may gain a little understanding for someone who may be ill in your life.

A panic attack is not extreme nervousness or stress. It is a physical reaction that is triggered in your brain which is referred to as 'fight or flight'.  The same thing that would happen to your body if you were being chased by a huge bear....racing heart, extreme fear, etc.  is what a panic attack is.  Except with a panic attack, there is no do or die situation happening. Mostly, you don't even know why this is happening.  Sometimes you can identify the triggers but, a lot of times, if not all the time, they seem to come out of nowhere.  Panic disorder is classified as the constant fear of the attacks and having them repeatedly.  Panic disorder is also diagnosed when your life becomes unmanageable due to the disease.  This is usually when people seek help.  Therapy with a professional plus a strong desire to get well and do the work required is the key to managing this disease. 

It has been a long road for me and this is what I've learned that may help you, things I wish I knew in the beginning.

1. Accept it. If you are suffering from panic disorder, it is probably not going to ever "go away".  It may seem like devastating news that you don't want to hear but, there is an upside.  It is 100% manageable.  As you learn to cope, the panic attacks aren't as frequent and are usually less intense (and even when they are intense, your coping skills will help you to diminish it quicker).

2. You are okay. You cannot die from the actual panic attack. (with the exception of suicide, and if you feel suicidal, seek help immediately)  It just FEELS like you are dying.  In the midst of a panic attack, it feels like it will never go away, never get better but, it DOES and it WILL.

3. Stop fighting it.  Stop avoiding situations that you believe causes it.  Stop wishing it to go away. The more you give in to and accommodate the fear, the stronger it gets.  If you feel the fear, accept it and proceed with your normal activities, the fear will start to shrink and eventually the things you thought you couldn't do because of the disease become non-issues.

4. Don't be ashamed. No one can tell you are having a panic attack, even though it feels like everyone knows that you are panicking.  Usually they cannot tell.  If you are in public, don't feel self conscious.  If you are overwhelmed, there is nothing wrong with removing yourself from the situation if you are not at a level where you can calm yourself. 

5. Learn to self soothe. An attack is very scary.  It is natural to try and make it go away at all costs, including relying on other people to be your 'safety'.  Don't rearrange your life to accommodate your disease and don't make someone responsible for making you feel better.  It is great and necessary to have support and understanding but you shouldn't rely on them for your own well being.  This is something you have to learn to live and cope with. You have to know that you are okay, no matter what.

6. Don't put up with ignorance.  Accept the fact that some people will not understand.  And that's okay.  Find support through a support group of people or an individual who also suffer from panic.

7. Don't self medicate. If you are taking any drugs (including alcohol) to cope with your disease that has not been discussed or approved with a mental health professional, this is doing more harm than good.  Alcohol, for example, is a depressant which causes more harm (such as reducing the effects of anti-depressants) than it's worth.  Long term relief is what you should seek, not temporary relief.

8. See a mental health professional, rather than your GP, if you are thinking anti-depressants may help you. Just taking anti-depressants without being monitored by a therapist, is just putting off what the inevitable --you will have to face the disease and learn coping mechanisms, eventually.  Anti-depressants aren't intended to be long term (although in some cases, they are).  You should have therapy coupled with medication (if needed) to learn coping techniques.  Your therapist can determine the length of medicinal treatment. 

9. Stop beating yourself up for not being 'strong' or 'normal' or whatever mean things you tell yourself about your disease.  If you had cancer, you wouldn't blame yourself.  You would treat the illness in every way possible to get well.  You wouldn't tell yourself to 'get a grip' or 'get over it'.  You wouldn't tell yourself that you don't need medicine or help and just try to will it away.  Get treatment.

10. Be okay with being uncomfortable. Learning to cope and doing the work it takes is sometimes daunting and exhausting.  It's worth it.  Be willing to be uncomfortable for a while to have a lifetime of relief.

Trust me, if I can learn to deal, anyone can.  It gets better with time and you are capable of much more than your mind can even begin to imagine.  Good vibes. 

Bravery

When I drop off my little one at school in the morning, I am reminded that if she can be brave, so can I. 
This is her first year of school.  She's a very shy kid who doesn't feel completely comfortable around people.  She would just rather stay home than face a day of learning and being uncomfortable around people. 
Much like how I feel with my anxiety/depression is high. 

She doesn't cry to be dropped off anymore.  She knows that she has responsibilities and takes care of them.  She puts her school bag on in the car line and gives me two hugs every morning.  It's because she has gone to school all year and knows what to expect and what is expected of her.  She learned the days of the week so she can count down when she gets to stay home for the weekend. She knows that after lunch and nap, it's almost time to come home and that gets her through the day. Sometimes it's too overwhelming for her and she cries for me in the bathroom.  But then she pulls herself together and finishes her day.  She has gained confidence in herself that her track record of getting through bad days is 100%.

 So, every morning, I watch this beautifully strong girl walk to school by herself with her head held high when I know that it's not always easy for her.  I'm very blessed to have this brave little girl in my life to remind me of how brave I can be as well.  I now know that when my anxiety and/or depression is overwhelming me, I have a 100% track record of living through it. My life isn't much different from my little one.  I don't always feel like doing what needs to be done but, I remind myself that I'm capable and have the capacity to be brave when my head and life is filled with doubt and fear.  I just focus on the daily tasks at hand while silently counting down the day when I get to go home.

I've also learned that bravery isn't the absence of fear.  Bravery is the ability to feel fear and proceed anyway.  An ability that can be obtained through constant practice. 

What If...

A ten year old asked me to name three things I liked about myself.  I couldn't think of any.  It took almost two weeks for me to come up with one.  Re: I like that I accept people for who they are. 


That incident was a wake up call for me.  It made me realize how hard I am on myself and although I accept others just as they are, I don't accept myself.  Not the good parts anyway.  I'm very self aware of things I need to work on and welcome criticism.  However, I found myself dismissing any positive statements from people, telling myself they are just being polite or don't really know what they are talking about.  I'm not sure why I do this but now I'm determined to correct it. 


Here are some examples:


                      From my professors:
"You have a real talent for writing clever dialogue."
"You have an innate ability to write about the human condition."


                      From a lover:
"You have an amazing body."
"You don't need to wear makeup because you are beautiful without it."


                      From friends:
"You have beautiful skin."
"You should be a counselor because when you break it down, it all makes sense."
"You are real and really good at helping people."
"You are one of the most fascinating people I've ever met with amazing energy."


I can honestly say that I don't agree with any of those statements.  But, what if...

What if  I really have a talent for writing?

What if I am really beautiful just as I am?

What if I really help people by just being myself and speaking/writing?

What if I choose to be kind and loving towards myself instead of a constant critic? I'm willing to explore this and have implemented the following into my life that may help any of you struggling with the same:

1. Keep an ongoing list of things that you like about yourself.  Not what others like about you. What you like about yourself.  This may be difficult but there is no time limit. Keep it in your journal or your purse/wallet/glove compartment to refer back to when you are feeling down on yourself and to add new items as you discover yourself.

2. When someone compliments you, believe them.  They are sharing an opinion.  They are delighted by you in some fashion. Smile and thank them.

3. Pay attention to your inner dialogue.  Evaluate how you speak to yourself. Would you say it to your child or a small child? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be saying it to yourself.  Most of us would not dream of telling a child that they are ugly, stupid, fat, incompetent, etc.  It's not okay. Therefore, it is definitely not okay to constantly tell yourself horribly negative things and/or focus on your perceived shortcomings.

4. In the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, into your own eyes and express love for yourself. It feels awkward and uncomfortable (at least for me) but, you need to hear good things about yourself, from yourself.  Example: "I love you unconditionally and am proud of you because you are a good person, mother and friend who is beautiful, inside and out."

I want to thank anyone reading this and want you to know that if it resonated with you in any way, just try these four suggestions for two weeks.  What if  it helps?  You won't know unless you try... and I would love to hear from you.